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!aboutme
http://filleduptothebrim.blogspot.com/
girl.17.freshman at IU.in love love love.

!loves
music!
books
writing

wants
to live, to love & to be truly happy.

!links
taylor's blog.
TEEN HEARTS
ELEPHANT&CRAYONS
my random blog.
B3CK!
heyy japan
Tyler!
myspace
gathering twigs
random blog that i just found!

!archives

!credits
Designer Colbydageek. Images 1
Font 1
Brushes 1 2 3 4

!TAGGGGG :D
Banner 2 Banner 1 go!


April 21, 2009
8:55 PM

yeah. feelings. DIE! i hate them. so confusing and blurry and blech. old ones, new ones, on the border fading/surfacing ones. i don't know what is going on. i want to have someone tell me what i want so that i don't have to think about it anymore. have someone tell me what you want so i don't have to guess it. have someone tell me what will come of this so i know what to prepare for.
i can take another blow, i know that i can. i would just rather not. it's unpleasant. but you know what? not knowing what to do is worse. not knowing if i am doing or acting how i should to keep you happy. not knowing if i have what it takes to make you smile. or if you are actually wanting to make me happy, or just biding time until you can find a way out without having to take any responsibility.
i really really really truly love you. i can't explain to you how much. but all this guessing is shredding my heart.


i just wanted to get what was inside out, sorry. been thinking about this for a while now. something changed, i think it did. or maybe i'm just more worried about stupid things than normal. probably. perhaps? i don't know. so insecure. always second guessing and over thinking. i have no clear inner voice. that's dangerous.
i need to learn to find out what i want. i have almost no idea about the big things.
like, i have no idea what i want to do when i "grow up". people have been asking me this for too long. it's too much pressure. i don't want to have to make any decisions like that.
i want to die before i have to. OH NO! i want to die, i said it.
jesus christ this is a depressing post.
i just feel that i am not capable of making any big decisions for myself. people have always been doing it for me. and i can't tell people what i want. hell, i can't even order at restuarants without getting all red in the face or just saying yes to whatever they tell me that they think i ordered.

i need some help. don't you just love growing up? /=

fuck jealousy. i hate that i have it. make it go away, please.


! you dont know the real me.