to my everlasting love, i am so glad that i talked you that day. you want to know why i did? because of myra and sam. and some other people. everyone suddenly had started talking about you to me around the end of freshman year. it felt like i was the only one left who didn't know you. so when you were in my class i was like, "YES! i finally get to know this guy that everyone says is so amazing!" in my head. it's kind of weird that you felt bad because you didn't know my name. you were intimidating though. i don't know how long it took me to work up the courage to say hi. i think that it was ian that helped me. i think i'm going to give ian a big hug tomorrow. anyway, i was afraid that i wasn't cool enough to be your friend. let alone your girlfriend. not that i was thinking about that back then haha. i had my own. the day before we started going out me and myra were talking about in fourth period. we were in the computer lab and i was on myspace. i think that the mean sub was there. but we were talking about it and she said, "i think you guys should date." i said, "i know, but he's dustin...you know?" she said, "that's what everybody says!" i don't think she understood what i meant though. i was sure, am sure, that i am not good enough for you. i think you're too amazing for me haha. too much of a great guy. i don't know. i really really love you. you have no idea how afraid i am of losing you. mostly because i'm fifteen and you're eighteen. you're going to realize when you go off and do whatever it is that you're going to do at college, maybe before that, that you can do a whole lot better. somebody smarter, more fun, and legal. no joke. sometimes its so depressing to think about so i try not to most of the time. but alaine knows what i'm talking about. she talks me through my sadness haha. i hope that you don't realize that though. it's not very realistic and i am sure it is going to end with me being sad, but as of right now i think i could deal with being with you forever. that came out wrong. what i mean is that i could happily be with you until the end of my exsistance. you're an amazing guy. when i look around i see cute guys, but you're the only one that i see that makes me lose my breath and my heart beat faster. i've never been so nervous around someone in my life. when i'm with you i get butterflies like i'm about to give a speech in front of my class. when you're sad i want to make you feel better. when you're mad i want to calm you down. when you're tired, i would like to say i want you to sleep, but i'm selfish and i want you to stay up so i can talk to you. i keep having to stop while i'm writing this. my mom wanted me to eat and put dishes away and go get my passport picture taken. so i've had a little bit of time to think about what i want to say but i just can't think of the words to express how much you mean to me. today, i went to your locker after second. random and not expected. i feel creepy whenever i do that. but i was like, "i want to see dustin." so i went to your locker and talked to taylor. you walked right past me haha. she said, "that's him right there." i kind of just watched you walk away with sam. she looked at me weird and i said bye then went to my locker. i try to hard not to bother you sometimes that i miss out on things like seeing you between classes. i worry so much about not coming off as weird or crazy that i don't do things that are really simple. i have had to try hard with people because they made me. but i try the hardest i ever have with you and you don't even give me a reason to. does that tell you how much i love you? i don't know. maybe i'm completely wrong. maybe it's me just being insecure. i don't know, that's a probable answer. i am very insecure. this letter seems to be rambling. not at all what i was going to write. just one last thing. you know what? i really like kids. it makes me a little sad that you don't want any. haha, weird right? i love you.
p.s.- i remembered this after i finished. when you kissed me during santa slam i stopped hearing the music. the opposite of what people normally say, i know. i was pretty dazed for a while. thought i imagined it. then you kissed me again. best night ever. i just wanted you to know that. i still have no idea what song they were playing.
