i hate leaving people with bad mojo between us. it makes me think terrible things like, what if one of us dies before we see each other again. we will have died with terrible feelings towards the other person. then i would feel like an asshole for the rest of my life and never be happy ever.
leaving people that i love like that makes me feel like shit. i just want to turn around and say or do anything to make it better. i've been like that since i was little. i know that my mom said something one day that made me terrified to leave her mad at me when i went to sleep because if i woke up and she was dead in the morning she would hate me forever. i don't know why. i was such a weird kid. i am still a weird kid. just a bit taller, with better hair, and bigger boobs. ha.
so that's pretty much the only reason i got sad today. well, almost the only reason. it was the main reason i guess. because i left someone that i love A TON while they were mad at me. or mad at everything. he claims he wasn't mad at me. but he sounded shitty when he hung up on me. i think that it's all better now. i still feel like an asshole, but he shouldn't have walked away! ugh. then after sam dropped me off she got shitty too. and once my mom figures out that i left the wii stuff in sam's car she's gonna get mad at me. blech.
i had a whole lot more to say. i just worked it all out watching youtube videos i guess. you know what? i didn't get even a little jealous today. maybe for a few minutes, but that doesn't count. i'm proud of myself. i am getting better at not being so jealous of people that i don't really need to be jealous of. that is a good thing.
i'm pretty much done with this. more pictures to be put up on myspace soon. you know, i have wayyy too many up on there. maybe i'll watch skins or call my boo when i'm done.
goodnight.