i don't know what happened. one day we have to force ourselves to stop talking so we can sleep, and the next we have absolutely nothing to talk about. one word responses and dry conversation. that is all i get anymore. it's not like we're extremely boring people. i don't know if it is just that we don't care enough to try anymore or what. i hate it. it breaks my heart. and him not trying to see me ever doesn't help this at all. i have a lot of homework someday and he has class or whatever. i understand that. if there are things getting in the way of him coming over or me going over there it's fine. i'm not allowed to go over there on weekdays, and he knows. so he should try to come over here and see me. besides, there isn't a little girl over here that is constantly between us. but he only ever wants me to go over there. over there where the rules are way strict. it's so stupid. i don't mind going over there. it's just that my mom hates it when i do because i come home reeking of smoke. i just don't see how a person can say that they love you, and then not even attempt to get a ride over when they say they will. it's fucking dumb. even when i know that my mom won't take me over there i ask her anyway. i ask her more than once. i don't sit on my ass and just decide that i don't feel like getting up to walk a few feet or down the stairs to talk to my mom. bull shit. something has got to be up. i don't like it. i feel like...like we won't make it anymore. :[ that is so terrible to think about. i am just going to stop that right now.
fuck my mind. i hate it when i think too much.