ToWriteLoveOnHerArms;

an organization i am sure many people have heard of. if you haven't checked it out or talked to anyone that has been touched by it you probably don't really know much about it, if anything.

- informs about self mutilation(ex: cutting), depression, and suicide.

- raises money to support treatment centers.

- a conversation.

- hope.

i found them at a very crucial point in my life. i was going down the wrong path. i was starting to get into alcohol. i was depressed. i cut myself. i hated everyone, especially me. i thought i was disgusting, that no one cared about me, that it wouldn't matter if i was gone. in fact i had convinced myself that more people would be happier without me around. i tried to kill myself. i took 20 pills hoping that would do it. i starved myself. i sat out in the snow for ours with little clothing on. i was a stupid kid, i realize that, but it was how i felt and it was serious.

i have an abnormal hate for psychiatrists, so when my mom forced me (she had to bribe me to go) to see one we would waste an hour sitting in silence while i stared out the window or at the clock and kept my mouth clamped shut. eventually he gave up and i stopped going. we tried a few others but the same thing happened. eventually my mom gave up trying. i felt like even less people care. 

when i tried to talk to my friends about it they just told me to stop or they would beat me up. they told me to just act happy and eventually i would be happy. the one thing that made sense at the time was my best friend saying that if i stopped drinking and cutting they would stop eating red meat so we would both be going through something. we both stopped eating red meat and i stopped drinking but not cutting. my thighs are covered in scars and my right calf has the word "PAIN" carved into it. my wrist faintly says "HI".

enter to write love on her arms.

i always go to hottopic when i am at the mall. it's just a store that i feel comfortable in. i saw the twloha shirts in there every time i went and finally looked at one to see what it was when i noticed that on the tag there were different people from bands wearing their stuff. i read the tag, and then later i went online and looked at the myspace. it was different from everything else. there were no bribes or threats. just a simple message.

"i love you. there is hope."

it made me feel better than i had in a long time. after reading a few blogs that jamie had written i felt an instant connection with this organization. it took time, but i did stop cutting. i joined socialvibe and talked to people that were going through the same things that i was. we helped each other and spread the message around to people that didn't have a clue what to write love on her arms was.

when this organization came into my life i was a mess. now i have cleaned myself up. no longer do i sit alone in my room all day and think about ways that i could cover up my freshly razored skin. i am participating and spreading the message to other people that need it.

this is to write love on her arms. this is hope.