i continue to get my hopes up only to be let down. i didn't used to be like this. i didn't hope for things to happen. i didn't trust that people would follow through. it's much better going on like that, not really hoping for good things to happen. because when they didn't i really had no problem, and when they did happen i was super happy. now i trust certain people more which is causing me to have more faith in everyone else. i get blown off a lot. by mom, my friends, by boyfriend. sometimes it's not their fault. something happens and they just can't do it. or their parents tell them they can't go or do whatever we were going to. but other times it's not. it is just them being assholes and telling me they will come see more or go places with me and not really meaning it. with some people i've started to actually think that when you say, "i want to hang out tomorrow" or the day after or this weekend, you really mean it and you plan on doing it. i guess i'm the only one that feels that way. in the past four days i have been blown off like that three times. i just want to go back to how i was. when i didn't care and it didn't matter. i never felt like this. i miss that.