so, everything got fucked up today. my mother told me that i couldn't go anywhere because i had to clean. i hate cleaning. so i did the bare minimum. and then my stepdad was supposed to be here and boyfriend was supposed to come over. but boyfriend without with his best friend to shop with her before i could leave. then stepdad came home for three minutes tops and then left with my brother and sister. since i was home alone no one was allowed over. so i tried to distract myself with music and whatnot but that only works for so long. i ended up watching gordon ramsey/happy feet and crying on the couch because i felt abandoned again. haha, that was only after i learned that boyfriend had told me that he was home and then he was suddenly at his friend's house sucking on one of my really good friend's fingers. bleh. i'm such a moody possesive bitch. it's terrible.
right now i am watching happy feet and tumblin. i am completely ignoring my phone. it's on silent and upside down so i can't see the front screen. i don't want to. i am so tired of people telling me about things that i feel like i'm missing out on. it's depressing. but of course i feel bad if i don't listen/read for the person telling me. i pretty much always end up replying or whatever.
happy feet just ended, i guess i will see what's on the gay channel. that, bbc, fuse, and cartoon network are my favorite channels. what a loser am i. yeah, the L word is on logo which is fucking blocked on the parental control shit. now i am even pissier and i think i am going to cry again. :[
i didn't used to cry this much. i remember when crying was a big deal because i never did it. now if i don't do it at least once during the day, i am having an abnormally good day. i should probably see someone about this or something, but even if i did that it wouldn't help. i fucking hate psychologists. they aren't anyone that i want to know or have to talk to. i've established that so many times.
my dog is barking. i don't feel like getting up to let her back inside. whoever put her out can do it. i'm not in the same room with her or anything. and the tv is loud so i can just blame it on that if someone asks me why i didn't get up and let her in. she has an annoying bark.
ew, my mom just got home. why am i still down here. now i will have to talk to her and actually pretend to care about things. fml.
i'm really not sure why i bother writing these things. i guess its because i don't feel comfortable enough with anyone to talk to them about anything that bothers me. or is on my mind at all. i should really try and get over that.
i don't even know why i am lying. i know that i won't ever try to change that. i don't care enough.
i actually want to see this show. the secret life of the american teenager.
my hair is soft. i washed it today. for apparently no reason. it needed to be washed anyway i guess.
my mother just threw socks at me. i wish i had this girl's figure.
my knee itches.
me me me. i i i. blah blah blah. i hate this. it's so narcisistic. i don't even know how to spell that.
now frosty is on. so i'm over it i guess.

i'm going to write some shit blog after this...just to make sure that no one tries to read this damn thing. i wouldn't know what to say to whoever does. i always feel like shit when people read these things.