i talked it out, like i was told to. it seemed fine at first. i tested it with something else that had been bothering me. that went okay so i moved on to the stupid thing. i said it was stupid for me to freak out, that i was stupid. you know how people are usually like, "oh its okay. i'm sorry you feel that way. you aren't stupid." he said "it isn't stupid. its just dumb." oh fucking really? its dumb for me to feel a little threatened and insecure when you talk to your exgirlfriend that you fell hard as fuck for about a wedding that you guys had the day you met? you used to talk about her all the damn time. my best friend told me that you were going to leave me for her the first chance that you got. excuse me for worrying that the boy i love is going to leave me for another girl. its happened before with someone that they didn't have a real past with. don't belittle me and make me feel even shittier than i already do if i am only talking to you to let you know that it bothered me. don't be a fucking dick. i really didn't think that you were going to react that way. and i don't really know what i want.
the damn music keeps telling me to let you go, i really don't want to.
why the hell have you been blowing me off lately? i know that when you get sick or hurt or whatever that isn't blowing me off. that is just shit happening and it doesn't matter. that's fine. but when you just decide that you are going to do something else instead of what you told me you were going to do that is just fucked up. we're in a relationship. you have to do what you say you are going to if it is possible to. and you going to a movie and it running late is not a good fucking reason to blow me off for the second day in a row. and the first day? i don't even fucking know what you were doing. what you said you were going to do wasn't even that day. everyone keeps telling me i should be pissed about whatever you are doing. and i just get over it. i don't care. whatever. blow me off. stop talking. leave me for trey and ariana and zach and alex. whatever. its cool.
i'm starting not to care anymore.