i can't go on with things like this. if they don't change within the next week or to drastic measures will have to be taken. its dumb to sit here in silence and not say what i think i need to just because i am afraid of what he will say back. not everything i think or feel is stupid. but now i don't want to tell anyone about it for fear they will drop me like a bag of shit. other people i know have such worse things going on with themselves i feel like an asshole for dwelling on this. it needs to leave alone. i need to get out of my head. i don't know how to do that. i haven't felt like this in a long long time.
at least i hadn't thought about cutting until about eight tonight. that is a big thing for me. -sigh- i don't want to do it though. i don't know where i left my razors. hahahaha jk. i know where they are. not that i like using them.
THIS IS STUPID TO TALK ABOUT WITH MYSELF. that's all i do on here. have conversations with myself. maybe i will live on the wild side and actually leave this post up on here.
i think i am going to go back and read posts from when i know i was fer sure depressed and see how i feel about them. because i really think i am about to slip into a place that i don't want to ever go back to again.
i need help. i hate help.
i hate myself.

i'm going to watch cartoons or something.