i miss you when i'm in a movie theater. i miss leaning on your shoulder and looking up at you so that you will kiss me. i miss how warm you are. i miss your weird kisses. i miss your touch. i miss your eyes and your nose and your lips. i miss hugging you. i miss knowing that i will see you today or the day after. i miss you being just two miles away. i miss your enthusiasm over the weirdest stuff. i miss holding your hand.
you know what? no one i date (of the three that i have dated.) has ever held my hand in a movie but you. the person i was with on and off for about four months was embarrassed and worried that people would see and judge us. the other person just sat next to me, which is understandable i guess because we were together maybe two weeks. but you hold my hand like its nobodies business. everyone is allowed to see it. you aren't shy about it--anymore--and it is wonderful. i am so weird for being so attached to hand holding.
i love kissing you. i love how soft your lips are. i love how warm your tongue is. i love how soft or hard you kiss me. i don't love how i seem to want to kiss you more than you want to kiss me, but that's okay.
i don't know what i am doing, but i read what you said about me this morning so i will just write until the words stop coming. i do love you. a lot. sometimes i don't know if you really do love me, but those moments are far and few. if i could i would spend every moment with you. you would probably get really tired of me really fast though. i first started talking to you because, honestly, i was trying to impress ian. i'm a big weirdo and i never admitted that out loud before but it is mostly true. the other reason was because everyone talked about you so i figured that to be any kind of cool i had to know you too. i have been a loser for a while, so yeah. but it turned out that i got a crush on you. but i was with ole what's-her-name and i was really wrapped up in that. when i got my heart broken you didn't judge me or anything. you were just there. i was so nervous to talk to you about it though. that is probably one of the few moments i remember, when i told you that a girl broke up with me. and you have been there pretty much ever since. i went through a tyler rebound for a second, but i came to my senses. i am a loser, as i previously said, and decided to cyber-stalk taylor to figure out why you liked her so much and found out that she didn't like you back before you knew. i was so excited. you don't even know. but i felt bad for being excited and i didn't want to be the one to tell you. i think i did end up being the one that told you and then a couple days later i kind of told you that i liked you and you kind of asked me out, after telling me over and over again how young i was. i really can't help that you know. i'm mature for my age. :P i always thought you were cute though. i was nervous to talk to you. and i liked your hair. that's a little weird for me to say. and when you made pat i accidentally made the i love you sign with my hand. so even though it wasn't true at the time, you have my hand telling you that i love you. :] that one day when we took pictures and you licked my face (your tongue felt like sandpaper btw) i got butterflies. HOW DO I REMEMBER THIS? i have the worst memory on the planet but i remember tiny details about times involving you. we've come a long way. i remember crying over you quite a bit though. last july when you tried to break up with me. i laid in the same spot i was when you first told me that you loved me when you suggested that we should break-up 'for my sake.' i called tyler and alaine and they said they would beat you up. ha. and i admit that i get more jealous with you than anyone else. and the whole jessa thing was pretty terrible for me. i think that i am still trying to get over that. but you told me that you fell 'hard and fast' for her. but it was 'mostly lust and not like what we have.' okay, baby. please don't ever tell me that you fell hard and fast and in a lot of lust with someone and then tell me it isn't like what we have. so you don't have lust for me? i know you didn't fall hard or fast but i really don't want to know that you did for someone else that you aren't even sure you are over. /=
okay whatever, that's over. we're better now and i keep all my jealous moments to myself. because i do still have them. i just don't want to go through anything like that with you ever again. i felt like it was over every day for probably two weeks. i told taylor that i was going to break up with you. i am so glad that didn't happen. i wear that stupid ring you gave me everyday even though it turns my finger green. it is the only piece of jewelry i am wearing right now actually. whenever i look at it i know that you're going to be there whenever i need you for a very long time. i wish you were here now though. when i'm here i miss you more than normal. it doesn't really make much sense. i want you to be happy more than anything else. you're my one and only. (:
that's enough remembering and thinking. good night.