okay. everyone realizes that i tone myself down, don't do the things that i want to do, keep myself as a person that i don't know if i want to be, just because he wants me to. he tells me what is acceptable and what isn't and i just listen. i think i am about fucking done. he tells me that underage drinking is shit and he is disappointed and doesn't want me to. but during the days that we aren't talking, he gets almost drunk. he tells me that under no circumstances am i allowed to smoke, smoke anything, and he decides that he is going to go to hookah bars. i am really not able to understand why is allowed to expand and explore his world while i am not even able to try things that i want to. i told taylor about what i've been doing, and she was happy for me. sam doesn't care, if anything i think she is relieved. and dustin would flip shit if he knew. i think that it is time for me to see what taylor is always raving about, what all these kids are doing. i would be a little ashamed of myself, but honestly i don't give a shit anymore. i'm going to do what i want before i turn eightteen or get a job and won't be able to anymore. i'm fucking done letting a boy tell me who i have to be. i'm done doing what i want secretly and feeling ashamed. fuck you.